He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
