I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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