my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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