I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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