in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
