he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
