I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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