after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
