what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
