Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
