he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
