I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
