I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
