i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
