I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
