i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
