it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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