Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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