okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
