if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
