We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
