I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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