He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
