Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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