Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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