I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
