Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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