Nicole vs. Life
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
