one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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