Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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