It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
