i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
