Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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