hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
