I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
