The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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