Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
