just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
