I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
