she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
