you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
