After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
