Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
