Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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