I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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