Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
