I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
