yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
...so i touched it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
