I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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