Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
