Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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