he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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