YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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