i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
