One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still dying that you shit outside
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
