I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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