He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
