I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
