I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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