You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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